self-care
When we think of self-care we might conjure up images of scented candles, bubble baths and spa days. But this is really only a small part of what true self-care represents. So what is self-care, really?
If we reflect on what care really means it refers to an ability to ‘tend to’ something or someone. And in order to do this effectively we need to be interested, to be able to pay attention, and to have both a desire to help and the wisdom and know-how to exercise it effectively. These are all qualities of compassion.
Most people have a substantial capacity for compassion and care, and I would say that this is an innate human quality. But all too often it is directed outwards towards others, and receiving it is more of a struggle, whether that is from others or from ourselves. Many of us are extremely self-critical, self-doubting and self-judgmental, and extremely low in self-compassion. We don’t know how to take care of ourselves and we have absorbed a false idea that self-care is selfish, morally wrong, or indulgent in some way. But this couldn’t be more wrong!
True self-care requires a lot of us. It requires us to be aware, to be honest with ourselves, to be determined and courageous, to be patient and to have a non-judgemental and empathetic relationship with ourselves. We need to be able to see when we need attention, and to know what we need. Of course at times that may be to slow down and to do something pleasurable for ourselves like getting a massage. But sometimes it might be to challenge ourselves and our patterns of being, to let go of old habits and to develop new ones and this can ask a lot of us!
With compassionate intention and practice we can develop the means to find new and helpful ways to care for ourselves that bring a sense of lasting wellbeing. And in turn when we develop a more supportive, encouraging, curious and playful relationship with ourselves, we can be braver, more adventurous and make the most out of our lives.